


Holding On To You

by deanandsam



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, Cuddling & Snuggling, Episode: s07e17 The Born-Again Identity, Gen, Platonic Cuddling, gencest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 14:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20893319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanandsam/pseuds/deanandsam
Summary: Tag to season 7.17. The  Born-Again Identity. AU from the show.Sam is dying because of the Hellucinations brought on by the breaking of the wall in his mind. Dean has no more cards to play, accepting his brother's demise. Or is that the last word?





	Holding On To You

Beneath his open palm, flat against his brother’s chest, Dean could feel the faint beat of Sam’s heart. He curled his body even closer on the narrow hospital bed, settling in at Sam’s back to wait for the inevitable.

His baby brother was dying and this time Dean was helpless to save him.  
Not even Sam’s stubbornness and considerable will-power had served to stave off the oncoming madness; the hellucinations caused by the broken wall in Sam’s head was bringing him to his death.

In a certain way, Dean had come to terms with what was happening. Sooner or later everyone had to face the end, maybe this was just their time.  
He brushed his lips over Sam’s hair, the faint fragrance of the herbal shampoo Sam used still perceptible despite his sibling having sweated and suffered for days now. The scent soothed him, as did the full-body embrace.

Once, cuddling together alone and abandoned in scruffy motel rooms waiting for their dad’s return, had been the norm. Two children seeking comfort in each other. Strange, though, how that had never changed growing up.  
Sure, they didn’t cuddle up in the same bed anymore but the comfort they found in each other was even stronger.

‘Sam, little brother I love you; always have, even if I’ve been a dick at times.’  
Dean whispered the words into Sam’s hair knowing his brother was beyond hearing. It wasn’t the Winchester way to make declarations of love to one’s sibling but the love was there and couldn’t be denied.

As he held on to his brother, his mind was planning the next steps.  
When Sam’s soul left his body, Dean would carry him to the Impala, lay him on the back-seat, then get everything ready to follow him into the afterlife. He wanted to fix things up properly. 

During their hunting years, they’d picked up all kinds of useful information and constructing home-made explosives was one of them.  
Once he was ready, he’d rig up the Impala to act as a funeral pyre, squeeze into the back seat next to his brother, set the timer to go off a few minutes after he’d put a bullet in his head and join Sam.  
He, Sam and Baby would go up in flames together. It was a fitting end to their brief lives.

He wasn’t sure where they’d end up after; Ash had insinuated that he and Sam were soul-mates, that they’d share a heaven, but that could’ve all changed by now.  
It wasn’t a problem. Even if they were bound for Hell, they still had a card to play. After all, they were on speaking terms with the King of the Infers.

At his side, Sam’s body quivered.  
Dean shushed him, whispering sweet nothings against his ear; told him not to worry; that his big brother would be with him soon after. He’d just take care of their bodies first. Didn’t want them turning up as ghosts, he finished off, tears welling in his eyes.

Abandoning himself to the warmth of the embrace, he hoped Sam could derive some comfort from being held in his arms; know that he wasn’t dying alone.

His palm still flat against Sam’s chest, Dean frowned, confused, as the beat seemed to pick up a little, no longer quite as faint and sluggish as before.  
His heart swelled with hope. Maybe there was a god after all; maybe he cared; maybe they’d misjudged him, maybe he was going to help Sam.

A soft sigh issued from his sibling’s lips, boosting Dean’s hope of divine intervention.

‘Sammy,’ he murmured, his mouth hovering at Sam’s ear. ‘Can you hear me?’  
For a long-drawn-out second, there was silence, then ‘Dean?’ Sam’s voice was feeble and thready but to Dean, no song could’ve sounded sweeter.

His arms strengthened their hold. ‘Sam. How .. do ..you feel?’  
‘Are.... you..... cuddling.... me, dude?’ 

‘You bet,’ Dean replied. Fuck the Winchester way. He wasn’t going to deny hanging on to his brother for dear life.

‘I feel better,’ Sam murmured. He managed a half-roll only to find Dean’s face close up, studying him.  
Sam’s lips curled up in a pale image of his usual one. ‘You gonna stay stuck there or are you gonna let me breathe?’

Dean reluctantly released his hold. He didn’t want to. It had felt right being so physically close to Sam, but as he rolled onto his feet, he paled, for Sam seemed to immediately worsen again, his eyelids falling heavily back over the hazel irises.

No! Dean’s mind hurled the word. Not a lull before the end!  
He stretched out his arms and gripped Sam once more. As if by magic, Sam opened his eyes.  
‘Dean. What’s going on…’ Sam’s frown of confusion stamped itself on his forehead.

’ I dunno…but… Let me try something.’

Dean released Sam’s arms and waited. As he’d theorized, Sam‘s eyes fluttered closed again, like some gigantic doll whose eyes opened and closed depending on how one held it.  
Was it possible? Was it his touch which was influencing Sam’s condition?

Just to be sure, he gripped his brother’s arms again and as before, Sam became lucid, looking up at him with the same bewildered expression.  
‘Well, Sam, I don’t know what the fuck’s going on, but it seems when I touch you, you improve and if I let you go, you go back to death’s door. If you’re feeling up to it, I say we experiment some more.’  


Sam made a mental sweep of his body. ‘I feel weak but no hallucinations.’

‘Listen, dude. Whatever this is, I’m on-board. If I have to tie our hands together for the rest of our lives, I’m good. Now let’s get out of this madhouse. Where're your clothes?’  
Getting his brother dressed while holding his hand wasn’t easy, but Dean was NEVER going to let go!


End file.
